School begins in 20 days...

School is starting in 20 days for the triplets. I need to write my letters to the teachers and make copies of their 504 plans (since, I have learned in the past, the school does not give them a copy of the plan for a few days AFTER they've begun school), but have no motivation to do so. I only have to update last year's letters and go to the copy place... so why aren't I doing that? I just cannot get myself to do it, and I think it is because once I do - it is REAL. Right now, it is all just a worry, but starting to prepare is real.

We have gotten into such a nice routine over the summer... so much less to worry about with the kids home all day... if I could actually teach the kids something, I would home school. But, I cannot seem to be able to teach them anything. They don't learn much from the way I try to teach them. Sooooo... off to school they will go.

I know they need to learn how to socialize better, and that will only come with being around people - with help... and I know I cannot help them with that aspect because I'm a social failure and they need social skills classes, which they get at school.

Ugh.

I hate sending them off to school with strangers who probably won't take their issues seriously. I hate not knowing whether the teachers will take their issues seriously. I hate fighting with the school. I hate having to deal with the people outside the school - the parents and grandparents who drop their kids off and pick them up. I hate the social stuff outside the school.

And most of all, I hate having to put them through all the social garbage I know from experience will come.

And I hate all the illnesses that I know are coming as soon as they begin school. This year is supposed to be so much worse with the viruses that have mutated enough to stick around all summer and the local medical community in a panic about school starting soon. I mentioned something to the allergist the other day and she confirmed it.

Will I be wondering whether one of my kids, or all three, will survive the day at some point this school year?

Ok, yeah, the worrying has begun.

DD2 is starting to get the muscle spasms like I have in my neck, and the chain reactions have started down her back. Why did I have to pass on ALL my bad genes to my kids??? I know this is a life-long thing she will have to deal with. Gads... why did I do this to them? I've chained them down with my DNA to a life of pain and misery. Nature was right... I never should have had kids. I feel so guilty.

And I finished the Twilight book series for the 3rd time... I'm contemplating starting it over again from the beginning to at least keep my mind occupied some of the time. To escape the worry and guilt.

And... how do I know a spider is on the other side of a wall I'm looking at before I walk into the room... on the wall I cannot see? How do I know to go through the doorway quickly so it doesn't drop on me? How do I wake up in the middle of the night because I KNOW there is a spider above me? How do I do that? What is that? What was I in my past life that I can sense a spider I cannot see from outside the room or when I'm sleeping? What kind of freak am I?