DS and anxiety

Ugh... I am feeling sick to my stomach. I was just about to go food shopping - boy am I glad I did not go! I obviously need to stay here at the computer, 3 steps away from the bathroom!!!

Maybe it is stress...

DS is having a very difficult time right now. I don't know what to do at this point. He is crying a lot, saying he misses me too much at school and that he wants to be home schooled! He cried once at school so far, but the past 2 days (including today) he cried half the morning and was still crying on his way in to the building. I called his psychiatrist (pdoc)... maybe his meds need increasing. We were just there a couple of days before school started and all was well, but the added stress of being in school is obviously too much for him.

I would really hate to home school for many reasons.

The kids don't listen to me when I try to teach them something (well... they don't listen much at other times, too, lol). They have meltdowns, especially DS (GADS!), when I try to teach something new - screaming, flailing, crying, throwing himself around on the floor or runs up to his bed and does it there, or locks himself into the bathroom. Now, how on earth could I be able to expect him to learn anything in that condition?

He also needs the social contact. He needs to learn how to get along in the world, how to deal with people... and *I* am not the person to teach him those skills, that's for sure!

But - his crying and whining at school is not going to help him deal with people, it is only going to get him bullied.

I know everyone is probably thinking I reinforce this behavior, but I've analyzed and analyzed and I know I am not reinforcing it. I walk away when he starts crying. I hate walking away - it is probably one of the most difficult things for me to do. But I have to, because he even tells me that he wants my attention when he is crying. I give him attention when he is NOT crying instead. So, why is this behavior continuing???

I know his sister reinforces it, and I have told her time and time again not to. She has been good about it the past few days, though.

I know his teacher reinforced it when he cried at school the other day. But he also got negative reactions from the rest of the class, and was very aware of it - plus I explained that, even through it is not *right*, the other boys his age (9 yrs old) are going to start teasing him about this soon, if not this year.

I know, with autism, emotions are very hard to control. People in general think people with autism do not feel emotions, but they do... it is all or nothing though. Emotions are so intense that they are completely overwhelming. People with autism self-learn how to control themselves by cutting themselves off from others in various ways because it is just too painful to deal with overwhelming emotions ALL the time!

It is very much like being over sensitive to sensory information - overwhelming or find a way to cut yourself off (or undersensitive and the person goes to extremes to find a way to feel something just to know you exist).

The key is getting the intervention, the help, to deal with all this without having to go to extremes.

And I know I am NOT the person to help my kids with this stuff. I did all I could so far... but at this point - well I did the self-learning thing... and found my own ways of dealing.. and they are not very helpful. I'm a complete failure at life and mixing with neurotypicals - an anxious waste-case who, I am told, anxiety just rolls off me and through others when I enter a room.

What can I teach them, to be like me??? NO!!! That is not good. I am trying so hard to AVOID them being like me!!!

So, being home with me is NOT the answer here.

The pdoc just called back, we are increasing the Prozac starting tonight, and I have to call her on Monday. Wish us luck that he can get through the day without a problem tomorrow.