Updates... having trouble titling these lately lol

2 more days till school starts... "Do NOT freak out!" is my main thought these days - I sort of chant this to myself when I am feeling like I'm about to, which is quite often. Why am I freaking so much more this year than usual, I don't know. It has to be school starting soon, right? That is what I keep blaming it on anyway. If not, I don't know what.

Or maybe it is because I'm not taking Xanax much anymore. Ah ha! I used to take it every morning when school was on to keep me from having a panic attack every morning, maybe I need to start that again. School = need for Xanax.

I've been trying not to take it at night before bed, but I have so many nightmares that I don't feel like I've slept at all - so I think I will resume that one.

Oh well.

My psych says I don't seem as anxious. I saw her Friday night. I was surprised. Maybe I'm just getting better at hiding it? That would be nice since she once said I radiate anxiety and tension from my body... that when I walk into a room I could make everyone in it anxious.

I wonder if I have the same effect on people that read my blog or emails from me? Do I make YOU nervous???

She also said something about not needing to take Welbutrin anymore... not that I ever started taking it in the first place lol. I wonder... maybe that was a question? Was she asking me if I thought I don't need to take it? Hmmm... if it was a question I should have screamed, "YES, ABSOLUTELY I NEED TO TAKE IT!" but I just didn't say much of anything. I don't think she noticed. Sometimes I think my appt is too late at night for her and she is not paying attention. Sometimes she falls asleep - but I don't seem to notice until after I'm not there anymore and 'reviewing' in my head. Either it is too late or she needs to get more sugar (she's hypoglycemic like me).

I really need to start writing stuff down for her again, even though now to print there is a long, involved process I have to go through... ugh. The thing is, I cannot answer questions very well. It is like my brain goes searching for the answer but gets lost. I come up with a blank. So, when she (or anyone else) asks a question, I cannot answer. BLANK. If I have this stuff written down, I just have to look at it... the right connection is made...then the answer comes.

Oh... remember I wrote a long while back about the e-friend who was in a coma? Well, I FINALLY got word that he is recovering! Woooo hooo!!!!