I'm in a bad place. I just don't care about almost anything. I have decided I'm not sending out cards for Christmas this year. I haven't done thing one about buying or informing anyone of even what the kids want. It is December 4th and everyone is asking me, but actually TELLING them what the kids want is too difficult. Everything is too difficult. Everything. Even taking a shower is too difficult to DO most days. I just don't care anymore. I have to at least get the kids a few things and tell people what they want or they will be very disappointed... I have to do this... but there is just no motivation or energy to actually DO it.
Reading other's blogs or forums is out completely. I just cannot manage it. I haven't even been reading my emails, other than scanning the names to see if any teachers wrote... and even then sometimes it takes a day or two to even open it.
So, that's been my life since I last wrote on here.
What I Did Wednesday #29
10 hours ago
I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. I have also struggled with depression at times in my life and it can be really hard to dig yourself out of the pit. This may sound dumb, but there are 2 things that have helped me: one is trying to get more sunshine or at least as much bright light as possible, and the other one is a kind of scorecard. I read that everyone has a kind of tipping point that depends upon the balance of positive and negative moments in your day. I have kind of a checklist of the things that I know make me feel good (even if they are bad for me), and then I make myself do those things even if I think I don't feel like it. I know that sounds weird. But, for example, I have discovered that even if I think I don't want one, a milkshake gives me a very definite bump. Also sometimes a glass of wine or certain tv shows, a "calgon" bubble bath. I try to add them up and do as many good-feeling things in a day as possible. Sometimes even something crazy like getting in my car and driving around for 3 hours actually makes me feel better. I don't know if any of that will help or not, I know nothing about your depression of course, but I really hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteAre you seeing anyone for depression? If not, you need to. Please get yourself some help. Hope you get some help and feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteHello - I started my blog right before the New Year arrived, so I really don't know all there is to know......but I do know that your blog was the first one I found when I clicked on "next blog". The reason I decided to do this is because sometimes I think I have A.D.D......sometimes joking, but really, it is probably true. Have you seen that movie "Julie and Julia"? That's what she did -- made herself go through that humongous French cooking book, and blog about every recipe. I just want to see if I can find some kind of purpose, maybe connect with some other people, and maybe share something that someone would like or agree with. I'm sorry you feel so sad. You mentioned going into a kind of "pit", which is exactly how I feel every Sunday. I don't know why. Maybe missing my dysfunctional family?? Not having a sense of purpose? I don't know. see....this is really rambling already..... but I do hope you feel better. It is freaking COLD here (-7 on the way home today...), maybe it is warmer where you are..... I also am looking forward to my Sunday yoga class, one thing I make myself do, unless I have a migraine. Anyway, I plan on posting for the next year -- I know it's kind of silly to compare it to a character in a movie, but, at least I can get my thoughts out, connect, and hopefully brighten a day for someone..... I hope you get this, and I hope you feel better.....
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