Still in that bad place...

I'm alive... but still in that bad place... or further in deep as it may. I know I haven't been keeping up with anyone's blogs, or even my own, but I need to vent a bit and don't know where to turn anymore.

I don't understand why DH is yelling at me that my son is sick. The kids have had one stomach virus after another, over and over again since school started, but my son cannot seem to get rid of this last one. He has had diarrhea for weeks now, with a break once in a while. At our last visit to the doc, we (along with a medical student) went through everything that could be causing this, item by item. The thing is, almost everything we could think of had to be ruled out (for example, a new food allergy) because the rest of us could NOT be catching it from him (which we invariably do) if it was that. So we were left with bacterial or viral causes. I had to take samples - talk about disgusting, I was gagging for days and still gag anytime I think of it - and send them to the lab for testing, but they came back negative to everything that was tested.

I'm now waiting for the doc to call and tell me what is next. She had said if this continues he is going to have to go to a GI doctor, which will mean lots of invasive testing I'm sure.

I got off the phone with the psychiatrist a little while ago and I'm going to start decreasing his prozac (she insists it couldn't be that but it IS listed as a side effect and we DID increase the dosage quite a bit a few weeks ago). I want to try this before doing anything invasive, that's for sure! She says he would have had it the whole time, not just when we increased the dose, but I MUST try this! Honestly, I agree with her, it is not the prozac. But I still have to try it.

I'm going to take him off Zyrtec as well, as soon as I can get to the store to get him some Claritin to take every day instead... because when he is off Zyrtec he has a lot of asthma attacks and also hives all the time now (seems he now has cholinergic urticaria as well as my daughter and myself!)

I am also taking him to the allergist and want him tested for milk and wheat allergies. That is all he really eats, to be honest (I know, the perfect candidate for a GFCF diet, but he would starve to death before eating anything else, believe me I've tried). If he comes up positive to either of those, we are in major trouble. I really do believe that he will starve himself if he cannot eat his usual stuff. Um... I know I did when I was a kid and my son is a lot more stubborn than I was!

So anyway, my husband insists on screaming at my son and I every day now that he is home from school. Like we are doing this on purpose, or my son is faking it to avoid going to school. I just don't understand it.

I KNOW my son is having separation anxiety issues, but this is not part of that. Nobody else would catch it if it was due to anxiety!!!

I really SHOULD ask the doc to take more tests and make DH do the diarrhea sample taking this time! Maybe THEN he'll believe that this poor kid is not faking it somehow. I swear if any more doctors want cultures taken, THAT is what I'm going to do - let him SEE it.

I don't even know if he really believes my son is faking it, but he keeps telling me to send him in to school anyway. I cannot do that. He is running for the bathroom all the time, sometimes it just leaks out without him even realizing there was a need to go. How the heck am I supposed to send him to school that way? Does he think the school will just accept that he's sh*tting his pants several times a day and keep him there? No, they won't, they'll send him home of course, and the poor kid would be teased for the rest of his school career for sh*tting his pants at school.

Yes, I agree, he is missing an awful lot of school. I have work sent home for him, keep printing out worksheets and have him on educational websites... but every once in an while when the sh*ts go away, he goes into school and then catches up on tests, and yes he is failing them! So, I am not doing a very good job teaching him, obviously... and if this continues he is going to get left back. I DO realize all this.

But what am I supposed to do?????????? The school doesn't want him there, the doc doesn't want him going to school, and if he goes he'll be humiliated and sent home. So, I should keep him home, right?

That seems logical, doesn't it?

Well, not to DH obviously.

I have never dreaded being around DH before, but I dread it now. I cringe when I hear him get up for work. I brace myself for the worst when he gets home from work. And my poor son thinks his father hates him.

I hate all this.

There has got to be something I'm not seeing. Why is he so angry? I just don't understand. We've talked and talked and argued over this and I still do not understand. What am I not seeing?